Mother’s Day (UK)

It is Mother’s Day in the UK today. A day when we celebrate our Mums and our children celebrate us As their mothers. Our gorgeous girl is not here with us but I am sure she is here in spirit, especially for her beautiful boy.

When we moved all her things from her house we didn’t want to dig up her apple tree for fear of harming it. Instead we collected a few apples that had fallen from it and planted their seeds. One of them grew and the other day it sprouted it’s ‘grown up leaves’! I see this as a gift from Ellen, a beautiful thing. Who knows what she would have said this Mother’s Day or what gift she would have brought? I have my little baby apple tree and it is a blessing.

Corona virus is spreading and we are all trying to keep each other safe. It is very hard to see the positives sometimes when we are nailed further and further down because of it but those positives are still there. I spoke to my Mum today; I couldn’t see her but I left her a present and a card where she could collect it. I spoke with my Son and my gorgeous Grandson and am hoping to talk to my other Grandson this evening (My daughter’s ‘cub’). I feel blessed.

My daughter is gone physically but I will always be her mum. She will always be my special girl. A gift to her today was some beautiful roses. I gave her these on behalf of my grandson.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mum’s out there. Never past ~ always present. My family has changed beyond recognition and yours may have too. Your Mum might not be here anymore in person like my daughter but celebrate her still as best you can in these difficult times.

Sending love. Try to be positive as best you can. Let people help you. Stay safe.

3 generations ……..

Coronavirus

There’s no escaping the fact that this is happening around the world. The corona virus is here for a while longer. It is scaring us by changing our daily routines and altering our lives beyond what we have grown to be comfortable with. We are understandably anxious; things seem out of control and maybe our first instinct is to feel helpless, there is nothing we can do.

WRONG!!! We can do something, we can listen to the advice we are given, we can respond in positive ways, we can still help people and we can let people help us. We can still talk (Very important). We are lucky to have devices and social media to enable us to do this. We can still appreciate the small things just as our gorgeous girl always tried to do when she was going through bad times. When it seems like the virus is winning Mother Earth is healing. We are gathering strength within ourselves to survive, as is She. There are positives everywhere. You just sometimes have to look hard for them.

“In these undeniably scary times, I see beauty in the most profound places. Small acts of kindness and the strength of quality time with lovers can bring me to tears”. ~ https://emeraldcountess.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/struggle/

………… Ellen could see these positives and it shows through her amazing blog. Despite all the rotten cards that were dealt to her she learned to find a way through by looking for the good. She is still helping people just by having lived. Her writing lives on and we will carry on learning from her. We will get through this together. Take care of each other and look out for the most vulnerable. This means not just doing their shopping and checking in but going all out to stop this horrible virus spreading. Take care of yourself and if it helps to indulge in something then do ….. these are trying times….

Oh and I am only supposing but I think I may be correct in guessing that this is what she would be saying…….. “Fuck you Coronavirus”!

……. Ellen’s Mum

International Women’s Day

Today is International Women’s Day. The campaign for 2020 is #EachforEqual and is about creating a gender equal world. “International Women’s Day is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women – while also marking a call to action for accelerating gender equality.“ – source http://www.internationalwomensday.com

We lost our beautiful Ellen to suicide in June 2017 at the age of 23. She had been fighting a battle in her mind for a long time. She was an amazing daughter, mother and friend to so many. Ellen believed so strongly in empowering women and equality for all whatever their gender. She had so much more to do………

I was and still am proud of my daughter. She is still teaching us through her writing. Such a wise young lady. On International Women’s Day we are especially remembering her and the powerful message she was sending us.

Ellen’s blog is http://www.ellenscott.co.uk – keep on reading it and listening to her.

#IWD2020 #EachforEqual

A poem about Mental Health

This is a photo of and a poem written by Abby Townson after the very sad death of Caroline Flack, a TV presenter in the UK. Abby is a relative of our lovely Ellen to whom this page is dedicated to. Sing this, rap this, say this, share this…..

Mental Health Awareness Poem

I can seem cool and calm and collected to your face

But I can’t face today

I can seem happy and I can seem great, but I don’t feel the love, I just feel the hate.

And I’m lonely today

Whenever I feel like I can’t speak my mind, in a world full of hatred, in a world full of crime- just say that you’ll hug me and always be kind..

Don’t wanna be a burden but I gotta speak out, gotta speak before it’s too late and I can’t find a way out…

You see it in the papers, you see it in the news
But what you really gotta know is that they don’t have a clue…

Cause when I open up about my feelings, I get told I’m too much

Too much for someone is enough for someone else…

If I don’t speak now, I won’t know how.
We gotta stick together in this world right now

Keep yourself surrounded by the ones who really care, the people who reach out and the ones who are there..

If you really feel like you can’t go on, like you ain’t got no-one…

Just know that the one is yourself and I need you to see, my star will shine so bright and we’ll put this world right…

They’ll see us in the papers, they’ll see us in the news..the ones who broke free from the rhythm of the blues..

This world’s gotta change, gotta change right now

A little bit of heaven got itself an angel, this angel lost her wings
But she’ll always be the one, the one who shone so brightly for everyone to see, the one who couldn’t help it, she really couldn’t be..

Think before you act and always be mindful of the people you can hurt
Those words can’t be erased from the mind of someone in pain

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so tell that one you love them..
This battle isn’t over, this battle is not done

By Abigail Townson

Abby Townson

It’s a wonderful life!

Christmas Day will mark 2 ½ years since we lost our beautiful girl. We had her for 23 years and we are grateful for that. Her life was longer than some and shorter than most but she filled those years with so much life, love and laughter. Ellen would come crashing into the house and whatever you were doing would be taken over by a new idea, a plan, a story. Always something new and exciting. She was such a shining light beaming brightly in all the people whose lives she touched.

Last weekend we watched the movie directed by Frank Capra ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. I have seen it before but this time I paid it more attention that usual. It tells the story of someone who is about to take their own life and of an Angel (Clarence) who is sent to save him by showing him the difference he made by having existed.

Ellen maybe didn’t realise the impact she made on people and the difference she made in their lives. I really wish she could have realised this in the moment that she chose to leave. I wish her angel had shown her what she had already done and what the world would look like if she had never existed. She had so much more to give. I wish she had waited for the morning…… there is new hope with every sunrise.

Whilst I always knew how brilliant my daughter was the last 2 ½ years have shown me just how brightly she really shone. She gave people confidence, hope, joy and always kindness. So many people have contacted me and shared their stories of how much of a difference Ellen made to their lives. Some have dedicated business ideas to her, some have told me that the direction of their lives changed beyond recognition from the path they thought they were going to follow before they spent time with her. This makes me so proud of my girl. I will never stop being proud of her and all that she did in those 23 years.

We all have a wonderful life and we all make a difference. Whatever you think about yourself there will always be someone somewhere to whom you have made a positive difference. I wish more than anything that my daughter was still here but she lives on in all the people whose lives she changed just by being here.

Reach out to someone you think may be struggling. It can be so hard to make that call. When you are in a dark place it can be so hard to reach out. …..

Problems can be solved. They are temporary. You are needed here! If you need help over the Christmas period reach out. Make a phone call, talk to a friend or a stranger.

Keep on going with your wonderful life!

We leave you tonight with one of Ellen’s favourite Christmas songs …….. Apologies in advance…….!

Anna … Ellen’s mum x

World Suicide Prevention Day

The photographs we are sharing with you today are of our beautiful girl Ellen. She took her own life on 25th June 2017, two days after her 23rd birthday.

There is always a sequence of events that lead to someone taking their own life and Ellen’s story was a rollercoaster one. She had been let down, manipulated, abused, used, even her mental health problems after all this were used against her in the most heartbreaking way. She was frightened but hopeful, sad but happy and living life to the max.

Ellen tells her own story about her struggles on http://www.ellenscott.co.uk

Nobody can blame Ellen for what she did that night. When someone dies this way they can see no other option. They do not want to die, they just want all the pain to stop. This is not selfish. If you had a headache you would take tablets to make it go away. Physical pain can be unbearable and so can mental pain so how do you make the mental pain go away? You might dive into bad habits like food or alcohol or too much of anything or drugs. You might then be labelled further – overweight, anorexic, alcoholic, obsessed with exercise or ‘druggie’. You almost can’t win. BUT!!! ‘There is help out there’!

From my own personal experience after losing my daughter this help is hard to find if you are looking for it through a ‘services’ route. I was offered antidepressants which I took for a while then stopped. These do have their place and they do work for some but they were not for me. You have to refer yourself for counselling then a person on the phone tells you there will be a long wait…… of months…….! This is terrible. There is no real assessment of what kind of counselling, just an assumption by the faceless person on the end of the phone. When we embarked on the making of the calendar and raising money for the charity ‘Mind’ in the forefront of our minds was how we felt the ‘system’ had not been enough to help our girl. ‘Mind’ in the UK are a charity that campaign for better services in Mental Health. They also work locally with people and you can reach out to them if you are struggling. I believe what they do is fulfill a shortfall in our health services (in the UK). This should not be the case – Mental health is so important. It affects our whole life, our perspective on life, our quality of life just as a physical illness does.

I believe that there would be less people taking their own lives if there were more access to better services. There is also still a stigma that people feel when asking for help. The phrase ‘stay strong’ may put an extra pressure on someone going through a tough time to be strong when they do not feel it. Or how about ‘Man up’? This is one of the most destructive phrases of modern culture.

There are also ‘danger places’. Hotels should be vigilant. If a phone rings they should always answer it or at the very least take a message. There should always be someone on hand to see that their guests are safe. It is their duty of care.

It is not the services available that have got us through the last two years, it is the people. There are people I have never even met who have been so kind and supportive. Our friends are brilliant but so are our strangers who become friends.

Wherever you are look out for each other, say hi to people, smile at them, help them. Those little gestures may change the course of their day. Let’s all do our bit for preventing suicide and alongside that keep campaigning for better services.

Anna Scott – Ellen’s Mum

These photos of Ellen are the ‘face of depression’.

I’m lucky to have got to the stage I’m at. I found acceptance through help, appreciation of beauty through the world around and meeting my soul mates. I’m teaching my mind to understand and control itself. Today has been a difficult day. I still thrive on them by creating, learning and dreaming. I can control it by taking each hour as it comes. It’s okay to not be able to get up – just try and have a shower, feel the soap lather your skin, wash the bad feeling away, lose yourself in the steam. If you can’t bare to see anyone, send a single text. When it is completely impossible to create, browse ideas. Let your mind wander. Take the first step. It’s always easier said than done but that one tiny everyday task can make your day a success.

Ellen Scott 3/3/17 ‘Difficult Days
Our beautiful Ellen

Fear and Bliss.

Love love love

Fascinating Occasions 🌙

12th October

‘Are you scared Mummy?’

His question stopped me in my tracks. A peculiar sentence to leave my three year old’s lips. He’s stopped playing and stares into my eyes. I tread carefully not to upset him.

‘Yes.. but it’s okay to be frightened.’

‘Why?’

‘Because all the bravest people are.’

It troubles me when people suggest he’s clueless to these changes. He may not fully understand but he’s intelligent. This ongoing feud has affected him in different ways and it breaks my heart that I can’t protect him. He craves control, plays people off against each other, packs a bag everywhere he goes and panics when I leave the room. If anything it makes me more determined to succeed. I am blessed and I have blossomed in ways I could not have imagined.

Becoming a Mother changed my fears. My earlier escapism through recklessness didn’t mean I wasn’t…

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