Mother’s Day 2021

It is Mother’s Day today and I have missed my girl today so so much. She was a force of nature, a fantastic mother and such a special daughter. I love this video of her, it shows her spirit and caring nature. It shows her strength and tenacity. It shows her kindness and her beautiful understanding, her tolerance and inclusivity. I discovered this video on her blog after she died and I treasure it.

We have spent the weekend with her gorgeous boy, her man cub. We have baked chocolate cake and played Nintendo Switch games. We have pounded the streets looking for Pokemon. We have learned about collecting plastic litter from the beach to save the seas from pollution. We have swung roundabouts in the playground until we are dizzy, done silly jumping on the trampoline, ridden bikes through muddy puddles. We talked about Mummy. He will go to bed happy tonight just as he has the last two nights but still missing her. He wrote me a ‘Grandma’s’ card for Mother’s Day and he also wrote a card for Mummy. He wrote this so neatly and carefully with so much love and deep thought. He is relying on me to give it to her by taking it to ‘her special place’. I will do this of course, I have promised him.

This is the fourth time Mother’s Day has passed without her. I used to watch the news and see stories of people who lost their children for a number of reasons. Illness, suicide, murder, accident? It broke my heart and I wondered about the incomprehensible….. How did they cope? How did they carry on? What did they do when Mother’s Day comes around? Or Christmas or birthdays or any other significant date or event? We are all different and we all deal with things in our own way. I am not even sure how I would describe how I get by…… some days are more difficult than others, some are a write off and that’s ok. This is a long road…..

I really want to bring some good out of the horror of the reality of what has happened. So….. each morning I take a deep breath and tell myself that today is another day. What can I do today that will make It better for someone? Sometimes this needs careful planning but there are simple every day things that we all can do. I walk down the street and smile and say hello to strangers. They don’t know me, they don’t need to know what happened to my lovely girl. They might need that smile and brief moment of human contact. Recently my son and I agreed to be filmed for a video to be used by ‘It’s worth talking about’. She would be so so proud of both of us and I am sure she would be involved with them if she were still here. They are all about peer support coming soon to a town near you!

In all Mother’s Day has been a success. I have had a lovely message from my amazing son, spent time with one grandson and spoken to the other. I have seen my Mum and had some wonderful messages from my daughter’s amazing friends. I always called them collectively ‘my Band of Daughters’ and today they have made me feel so special on behalf of my daughter.

So Happy Mother’s Day to all the lovely Mothers out there including mine! You are doing your best!

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