When I think of the treasures that Ellen gave me, I first remember her as a little girl. Her enthusiasm, her interest in everything around her, her amazing creativity – one outstanding memory, a model of the rainforest for a school project that even had tiny insects in the trees. I was in awe and have been ever since. She was always smiling and bouncing around. Always ready to discover.
Trying to unearth the treasures that lay at the bottom of the deep well of grief forged by her loss is a little harder.
But I am beginning to learn that they are there, and with each new discovery am ever more grateful for all that Ellen has taught and is still teaching me.
I miss her. I miss the possibility of her. Of bumping into to her unexpectedly and always having my day brightened and my spirits lifted by her extraordinary and beautiful presence. I have recently realised though that the possibility of Ellen can still happen. Just in a different way.
Buying the material for our mermen tails with Anna I could almost feel her delight at the shimmering fabrics in beautiful sea colours and was instantly swept away upon a wave of Ellen style magic and enthusiasm. She would have gravitated towards the most sparkly and translucent fabrics a look of joy and wonderment spread across her face. I found myself revelling in an almost childlike delight and thanked her on the spot for teaching me how to re-connect with feelings I thought I’d forgotten.
Ellens joy was contagious. It still is. Energies like hers, so bright , so transient, light up our lives forever. Their light remains undiminished. It continues to burn as bright as if they were still here.
Ellen sits, dressed as a mermaid, smiling out from my kitchen wall. I know without a doubt that she would be fully behind and excited to be involved with the creation of our wonderful Mermen for Mind.
Next time – Making Mermen
Shell crowns, fishtails and all things merman,
Watch this space xx